What happens when you move to the Midwest:

Things change.  For instance, all your friends are married, trying desperately to be married, or they have 900 kids and god knows they don't have time for your tomfoolery.  Also, meat becomes your primary source of sustenance  because suddenly vegetables are the most expensive and depressing part of the grocery store.  People start to look at you sideways when you eat a whole grapefruit (without sugar? What are you, and animal?).

It's not their fault. It is honestly hard to get healthy food out here... especially if you suddenly make minimum wage.  This town could use an amazing brunch spot... and if anyone wants to fund this little venture, I already have it planned out in my head.

Anyway, a little thing that may have passed over the head of most of the rest of the country (except you, South.  I'm pretty sure at least part of this is completely your fault) has been taking up a fair amount of my Facebook feed lately, and last night my lovely assistant and I did a completely scientific science experiment to examine exactly how much this country was screwed.  I may have hinted at this particular area's love of snack foods in my "home for Christmas" series of photos taken in a grocery store. Behold: the Lay's "Do Us A Flavor" contest.

I've been hugely distracted lately by a number of things, and maybe I'm a bit late to the game on this one. I feel, however, that it's worth my time to tell you that if Chicken and Waffle Lays become a thing, I'm willing to jump off a cliff. I'm willing to lead the caravan of people headed to jump off a cliff.  It's like that time your college roommate put that bullion cube in the shower head... but you had a caramel in your mouth at the time... and also the flu. It's the special cousin of potato chips that no one should ever mention. Ever.  

Garlic bread tastes like straight up garlic. Which... I suppose would be really pleasant smashed into a sandwich.  Alone, it's a bit overwhelming. And also... underwhelming. It's a chip, guys... whatever.

Sriracha tastes like sriracha, so I have to call it for that.  We decided that it wasn't hot enough, however.  Quickly remedied by more sriracha. 

You're welcome.

Really, they should just bring back California Cool Dill and be done with it.

In closing, I feel I should apologize for my lack of posts lately, but I've been really really poor. Like, super poor, and that limits my ability to make food of my own accord.  Luckily, sometimes handsome gentlemen break into your house and make you a frozen pizza with pickles on it... and it's the best thing ever.

Be still my heart.